A Bit of a Freeze Across Europe’s Economy
Cameron’s plan of action for U.K based small businesses.
Thanks for the update Mr Cameron! Now, is it just me or does this sound like an advertising campaign? Cameron loves to tell us what he can do for us and his projections for the coming year; making the ‘Con-Dems’ sound more like a commodity than that of a governing body.
In this second revamp of Cameron’s immigration speech, the focus is on satire. Whilst trying to be unbiased; this can become complicated when satirical elements are introduced.
Today I am going to tell you what I think about immigration.
I assume that the general consensus out there is that you didn’t have much faith in the last government and you have little more in this one.
As long as we’re in the EU, I have very little control over immigration policies.
But today, I’m going to list the endless ways in which a Con-Dem government will deliver far better results than Labour ever did.
Firstly, I will now undermine you all by telling you what the key issues and debates there are surrounding the topic of immigration. As if you didn’t know.
I’m aware that some of you on the far Right can get a little bit carried away at times.
And I know that this can lead to all sorts of trouble, whereby some of you say things that are a bit close to the mark.
The argument is propelled by the BNP and the EDL, who just can’t seem to see any of the benefits of immigration.
I can’t solely blame the extreme Right; everybody else seems to want to have a pop as well.
I on the other hand have all the answers.
One thing I love to do is sit down and have a good, long discussion about immigration.
You should have seen me in opposition to Labour.
Just wait until you see what I can really do.
So, listen here.
Yes, this is one of the biggest problems I face in governance
Yet If I compliment you and your country, then surely you will agree with everything that I say?
We already have far too many migrants living here, but what harm will a few more do, eh?
Many of us are enjoying sunny locations abroad, so why not let migrants abuse our NHS?
Who needs school teachers with English as their first language when you can have Russian?
Immigrants are people too.
And we can’t forget the local kebab shop. Where else can you find quality meats such as these past midnight?
The world is falling apart, what with hunger, disease and oppression. But never fear, as long as I’m in power, our door is always open to those in need.
If I’m proud of that, then so should you be.
Excessive immigration brings enormous pressures to communities and families all over Britain. Not that I’d know.
My children go to private school, my house comes with the job and as far as healthcare goes, it has to be private all the way.
And social pressures too, apparently.
Those of you in less affluent areas I am sure will understand. It must be such a kick in the teeth when all those hard earned taxes that you pay go to those who have not contributed a penny.
Immigrants, “Taking all our jobs!” Don’t be ridiculous, we haven’t got any jobs.
Not being that of a low paid, unskilled worker, I find it hard to believe that immigration can be that bad.
However, all that being said, I guess I should address some of these issues.
Because if I fail in my attempts, then you may start siding with the BNP. And I just don’t think I could handle the embarrassment.
However, there’s an even bigger reason for addressing immigration. You thought you’d heard it all. Wait for it.
Actually, no I jest. It’s pretty much just the overcrowding thing.
I’m only doing this so you’ll vote me in again. Well, come to think of it. Now that I binned the idea of electoral reform, you won’t need to vote me in again. I’ll probably be here again by default.
You thought the last government neglected you…
I’m not promising anything.
So, what have I been getting at?
Put simply, I doubt my years in governance will have a huge impact on immigration levels. Good luck.
…
I have taken the original speech and attempted to re-work it and create a LITERAL version. From research into the field of political rhetoric and linguistic devices I hope that the speech appears more direct as a result of this.
Today I want to talk about what we are doing to get a grip on immigration into our country.
Today I want to discuss what this government plans to do to regain some control over the issue of immigration.
I know the sense out there is that mass migration is inevitable in a globalised society and a modern economy and as a result it’s all too difficult for one country to control its own borders.
I know that the people of Britain think that immigration is expected with our growing multicultural societies and failing economy and that the government cannot control the borders of this country.
And that with migration from the EU to worry about as well, we’re powerless to address half of the problem anyway.
And with the EU breathing down our necks, we’re unable to resolve half of the problems anyway.
But today I’m going to argue how I believe this Government can act in a way that will genuinely tackle the problem, avoiding the dangers that opponents of reform have put forward.
But today I’m going to argue how this government will approach the problem, without taking any of the risks that Labour have suggested will arise.
First we need to be clear about what the problem is.
Firstly, I will underline the key issues surrounding the problem.
I know this is an issue that people feel really passionate about.
I know that this issue can lead to heated debate.
And I know the debate around immigration is not always a healthy one.
And I also know that this heated debate can share the views of far Right, xenophobic standpoints.
It often swings between extremes, between those who argue strongly that migration is an unalloyed good, vital for our economic success and those who say it completely undermines our economy because immigrants take all our jobs.
The argument swings between the Left and the Right, between those who undertake a multiculturalist stance and those who take an assimilationist stance.
Between those who attack caution about immigration as racist and xenophobic and those who plead that our communities just can’t cope with the demands of ever greater numbers flooding in.
The argument is between far Right radicals and the norms of society.
I have a very clear view about this.
I have discussed this issue with the Cabinet and we have come to some decisions.
I have never shied away from talking about immigration.
Whilst Labour was in power, I openly argued against their policies.
I called for reform and clear limits in Opposition.
I told the then Labour government that a reform was in order in regards to immigration.
And I’m determined to deliver in government.
And I am determined to do better than the last government.
So let me tell you how I see it.
I’m going to tell you what points the Cabinet and I have raised.
Yes, some immigration is a good thing.
Immigration levels, at present are too high.
It is right that we should attract the brightest and the best to Britain.
We should be accepting highly skilled migrants who will fill vacant jobs; however, unskilled migrants are and probably will continue to arrive.
We genuinely need foreign investors and entrepreneurs to come here.
Our weak economy requires foreign investment.
In the same way that many British people take advantage of opportunities to work, study and live overseas many of our communities have been enriched by the contribution of generations of migrants.
We cannot complain about immigration levels when so many of our own are fleeing Britain.
Our schools and universities have some of the best teachers, researchers and students from all over the world and we’re proud of that.
There are positive elements to immigration such as the teachers, researchers and students that it allows to work and study in Britain.
Our hospitals are full of talented doctors and nurses caring for the sick and vulnerable.
We must remember that migrants can fill medical positions and are not all unskilled workers.
Our high streets are home to entrepreneurs who are not just adding to the local economy but playing a part in local life.
Local food outlets and convenience stores run by immigrants have an impact on the social structure and cultural surroundings of an area.
And yes, Britain will always be open to those seeking asylum from persecution. That says something very important about the kind of country we are.
Immigration will always be a contributing factor to British society. We should feel proud that our door is always open to those in need.
And we should be proud of that too.
And any negativity in regards to this issue should be discouraged.
But excessive immigration also brings pressures real pressures on our communities up and down the country.
However, the present level of immigration is having a detrimental effect on British society.
Pressures on schools, housing and healthcare.
These pressures are affecting vital sectors.
And social pressures too.
And the people of Britain are not happy.
When large numbers of people arrive in new neighbourhoods perhaps not able to speak the same language as those living there perhaps not always wanting to integrate, perhaps seeking simply to take advantage of our NHS, paid for by our taxpayers there is a discomfort and a tension in some of our communities.
The people of Britain are understandably angry when immigrants abuse their rights in regards to the job market, benefits and the suffering NHS when they have no intention of integrating themselves into pre-existing communities.
Crucially, while it’s crude and wrong to say immigrants come to Britain and “take all our jobs” there’s no doubt that badly controlled immigration has compounded the failure of our welfare system and allowed governments and employers to carry on with the waste of people stuck on welfare when they should be working.
The last government’s poor immigration policies have led to the high levels of debate surrounding this issue.
And there is also concern that relatively uncontrolled immigration can hurt the low paid and the low skilled, while the better off reap many of the benefits.
Low paid and unskilled workers often lose out to migrant workers, whereas those in affluent positions are not affected.
So it’s absolutely right to address all these concerns.
I will attempt to address all of these concerns.
Because if people don’t feel that mainstream political parties understand these issues they will turn instead to those who seek to exploit these issues to create social unrest.
If my government fails to effectively address these issues, then people may turn to such parties as the BNP.
And there’s an even bigger reason for addressing immigration too.
However, let’s not simply focus on the negative aspects.
It’s about fairness – real fairness.
Fairness for the people. Because this sounds far less distressing than tackling the real issue of immigration.
Fairness for people already living here, working here, contributing here who worry about finding work, getting a good school for their children and affording a good house.
I’m working for you. The people of Britain.
For too long, they have been overlooked in this debate.
Previous governments have neglected you.
And it’s time to do right by them.
Therefore, my government will change all of this.
So what does this mean?
So, what am I actually proposing?
Put simply, yes, we need immigration, but it needs to be controlled.
Put simply, immigration is a very difficult challenge that my government will attempt to face.
…
Today I want to talk about what we are doing to get a grip on immigration into our country.
I know the sense out there is that mass migration is inevitable in a globalised society and a modern economy and as a result it’s all too difficult for one country to control its own borders.
And that with migration from the EU to worry about as well, we’re powerless to address half of the problem anyway.
But today I’m going to argue how I believe this Government can act in a way that will genuinely tackle the problem, avoiding the dangers that opponents of reform have put forward.
First we need to be clear about what the problem is.
I know this is an issue that people feel really passionate about.
And I know the debate around immigration is not always a healthy one.
It often swings between extremes, between those who argue strongly that migration is an unalloyed good, vital for our economic success and those who say it completely undermines our economy because immigrants take all our jobs.
Between those who attack caution about immigration as racist and xenophobic and those who plead that our communities just can’t cope with the demands of ever greater numbers flooding in.
I have a very clear view about this.
I have never shied away from talking about immigration.
I called for reform and clear limits in Opposition.
And I’m determined to deliver in government.
So let me tell you how I see it.
Yes, some immigration is a good thing.
It is right that we should attract the brightest and the best to Britain.
We genuinely need foreign investors and entrepreneurs to come here.
In the same way that many British people take advantage of opportunities to work, study and live overseas many of our communities have been enriched by the contribution of generations of migrants.
Our schools and universities have some of the best teachers, researchers and students from all over the world and we’re proud of that.
Our hospitals are full of talented doctors and nurses caring for the sick and vulnerable.
Our high streets are home to entrepreneurs who are not just adding to the local economy but playing a part in local life.
And yes, Britain will always be open to those seeking asylum from persecution. That says something very important about the kind of country we are.
And we should be proud of that too.
But excessive immigration also brings pressures real pressures on our communities up and down the country.
Pressures on schools, housing and healthcare.
And social pressures too.
When large numbers of people arrive in new neighbourhoods perhaps not able to speak the same language as those living there perhaps not always wanting to integrate, perhaps seeking simply to take advantage of our NHS, paid for by our taxpayers there is a discomfort and a tension in some of our communities.
Crucially, while it’s crude and wrong to say immigrants come to Britain and “take all our jobs” there’s no doubt that badly controlled immigration has compounded the failure of our welfare system and allowed governments and employers to carry on with the waste of people stuck on welfare when they should be working.
And there is also concern that relatively uncontrolled immigration can hurt the low paid and the low skilled, while the better off reap many of the benefits.
So it’s absolutely right to address all these concerns.
Because if people don’t feel that mainstream political parties understand these issues they will turn instead to those who seek to exploit these issues to create social unrest.
And there’s an even bigger reason for addressing immigration too.
It’s about fairness – real fairness.
Fairness for people already living here, working here, contributing here who worry about finding work, getting a good school for their children and affording a good house.
For too long, they have been overlooked in this debate.
And it’s time to do right by them.
So what does this mean?
Put simply, yes, we need immigration, but it needs to be controlled.
…
